A Moment of Truth

I am down.  I am stressed.  I am overwhelmed.  I am trying to pretend I am none of those things.  It isn't working.

The ex-husband is arriving by plane on Thursday evening for a visit.  All of the painting and decorating are for his benefit.  I am never going to have it done enough that I feel it will pass muster.  He owns this house and I rent it from him.  So, I always feel like it has to be a showplace.

He hasn't been here for a visit in 4 years.  The kids haven't seen him in 2 years.  So, I am happy this visit is happening for them.  I posted previously about how out of touch he gets at times.  They need to know him more than they do.

If I am very very very painfully honest I will admit that I am heavier since the last time I saw him.  It only matters because he won't have the tact to not mention it.  I can't drop eleventy million pounds before he shows up.

I am considering going to the doctor and asking for a few "help me through" anti anxiety pills.  I don't want to be miserable while he is here.  We stay together as a family when he is here.  I know this sounds odd to many people.  We go out as a family, dinner, movies, shopping.  He stays here at the house sleeping one night in each boys room.  Friday, the older boys will still attend school and he and I will be alone all day with just the baby as a buffer.

Any prayers and "help me through it" pills will be greatly appreciated.

Whining over.
7 Responses
  1. Monica, I'll be praying for you and your family. And I don't think there's anything wrong with helping yourself through a tough situation. Hang in there!
    ~Keri


  2. I certainly wouldnt worry about the weight hun. You had a baby in the last 2 year *smile* As for everything else technically as your "landlord" he's responsible for upkeep of HIS property *wink* Don't stress too much. You have already gone above and beyond what you needed to for this visit. Hang in there.


  3. Angie Says:

    I think you've done more than I would already! You're a great Mom and that counts for so much more than if the walls have a few handprints on them. Or shoe prints as the case may be. :) If you think you need anxiety medication longhaul, try Lexapro. It works wonders. It's not a quick fix, but after a month on it, I can tell you it's amazing!!!!


  4. Anna Says:

    Monica hang in there, I'm sure you will find the strength, just remember you're doing it for the kids.
    You are an amazing woman, and your kids know that and that's all that matters.


  5. I echo Monica's thoughts. Just remember you are doing this for your kids. You will make it through.

    -Francesca


  6. Sleep Goblin Says:

    I'd send you some of my lorazepam, but that's illegal :P but my prescription is for just this type of thing. a quick fix when your anxiety levels reach potential break down point. you just have to be very careful with them, because i think they can be addictive? these days, i save them for when i'm thrust into social situations in very large crowds *shudder* which, thankfully, is very rare.


  7. Monica Says:

    thanks for the support everyone...you rock!


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