.

I am up tonight bawling.  After dreaming about my bio dad last night (why are dreams so weird??) I decided to google his name tonight.  I found the forum site of the Patriot Guard Riders.  More specifically, I found the page where they posted Mike's services to get riders to attend.

The sheer respect and caring in the words written for his passing by complete strangers floored me.  I wasn't able to respond with a thank you as the forum is private, but somebody had an actual email listed.  I debated and debated and finally decided to send a brief thank you.

These men and women attend services for soldiers and bear flags and salute and accompany the procession, blocking traffic at each street.  They stand at attention for soldiers they have never met.   They do it with such respect and professionalism that it is easy to forget that they are volunteers.

The floodgates are open and I am getting a "cry headache", but I know it has to all come out.  Being on vacation immediately after his funeral buffered the pain.  Now that I am home the finality is hitting.

• Being home is a good thing
• Florida was awesome
• Jack has until Sunday with his beloved bottle.  Then it is big boy all the way
• Nico got his braces off today
• I have 549 pictures to get developed
• Salad should be its own food group
• I am researching going back to college for a speech degree
• Nana asking me to send her an Abba-Zabba bar in the mail had nothing to do with senility or mumbling
• Being back in my own bed gave me a huge neck ache
• I am broke like our justice system
• I missed you people
• Jack has learned how to open the screen door and escape
• 
  

Grandpa Mike's service was amazing.  A group of motorcyclist from several VFW groups came and bore flags at attention and gave us an escort to the cemetary with flags flying.  The funeral home did a great job with the photo tribute which you can see here.  They included the pics of the big boys balloon release. 

It was a really hard day, but an amazing day.  He would have been embarassed at all the attention, but he deserved it.  He even got his 21 gun salute.  AND I managed to get back through airport security with one of the spent shells. 

 



The big boys have been in Gainsville getting spoiled by fraternal grandparents and Jenn, the babies and I went to Universal Studios.



The big boys come back today, I have missed their guts,.

Thanks and more thanks for all the sweet words on the last few posts.  You guys are kind people and I love it.

We leave for Florida in the morning for a planned trip. I will leave the big boys with my best friend as Jack and I travel again to Arkansas for Grandpa Mike's services. The big boys won't be able to attend due to the financial strain of airline tickets.

Mike has developed an anti-biotic resistant super bug and his heart is starting to react.  They are recommending that Mary remove the ventilator.  After a meeting with docs, family and the chaplain, that is what they are doing at the moment.

They don't know how long it will take, but I know he will step out of this life into heaven.

I knew the time would come when I would wish that I had gone down there.  Now is that time.

He is still here with us, but not expected to improve.  I have been given the password to speak with the ICU nurses directly and that has been a blessing.  They all have beautiful southern accents that make me so homesick.  They are incredibly sweet and honest.

I like honest.

Mike is the biggest patriot that I know.  He never passes the American flag without saluting.  He ends all phone calls and letters with the words God Bless America.  This morning I asked his nurse to please tell him that Monica and the boys say Happy 4th of July.  If he can hear her, that will make him smile.  It's a silly thing to think, but if he has to die, I think he would like knowing it was on Independence Day.

We are still praying for a healing miracle though.  I am selfish like that.

This is Mike, my bio dad, that we went to visit in April.  I thought it was possibly the last time I would see my Nana.

I fear now that it might also have been the last time I will see my biological dad.

A few weeks ago, he was hospitalized for pneumonia.  After three weeks in hospital, he went home.

Sunday, he went back with recurring symptoms and it has gone downhill from there..

He has been transfered to a better equipped hospital and is now on a ventilator.  His kidneys are starting to shut down and his blood pressure can't be kept up in the correct range.  He is running a fever and his body is being overrun by yeast from all the antibiotics.  His is in a medically induced coma, but managing to fight to pull tubes and things out.  His right lung is the major problem and is leaking air out into his tissues.

I am torn.  Part of me wants to go back down there, but all I could do is sit in the waiting room.  Part of me knows that he would want me to continue with vacation plans since we had an excellent visit in April.  His wife, Mary, has not asked me to come yet.  If he asks for me, I will go.

Pray for him, Mike and his wife, Mary.

*UPDATE*
Friday 10:30am
Mike has turned septic and the next 12 hours will make the difference between life and death.  I fear he will leave us today.

But he is just the right size to measure these on!

This is the forest fairy tutu for the other twin niece. I am almost done making what I will take with me to Florida for gifts. Vacation starts Monday!!

This one is for a new baby girl that is my mom's neighbor's daughter.