.

Next Tuesday, all the big folks start the fall semester.  I have all supplies (except my books which we are heading over today to get), the driving schedule is fixed and ready, uniforms are washed,  a good friend showed me a back way to campus and I colored my hair.

(If you don't think the last part is vital, something is wrong with you.)


There are two major things left, one of those being books.  I feel like I am missing something important.  My biggest worry is that I will drop one of those imaginary balls that we moms are always juggling.  I am struggling with the knowledge that I am going to have to let some things go.  My house might be messier.  It might even be dirtier.  I have to let go of my position at the church.  No more VBS for me.  I won't be a stay at home mom for Jack anymore.

Change is hard, even when it is for the greater good.



In an effort to streamline my life,  I was searching for speedier hair care and discovered plopping.  Whoever named it didn't give it much thought, but I slept with my prepared damp hair up in the method and holy wow!  My curls are so much nicer this morning.


On a normal day, my hair tends to be a bit fuzzy, I don't mind it really, its just how things are with my head.  Inside and out actually.  HA!



This is about 30 minutes after unwrapping my hair and without any thing additional done to it.  I might be hooked.  Later on I will check it out in natural light after it air dries 100%.  I would say it is 80% dry now.

So, tell me?  Do you plop?

Being a mother of four boys isn't always pretty.  I don't mean the messes and the dirt and the boogers.  We are in the teen years.  The puberty years.  The testosterone years.

Every.  Single.  Day.  There is fighting.  Between them, between a kid and me, between me and the walls.  I am not of the nature to do well with that much anger flying around.  I am dealing.  I am handling it.  I now I must vent.

Ex husband, if you are reading this, please do so with an open heart.

Today, I hate being a mother.  Only today, maybe only the last few hours actually.  Things got a bit physical between myself and one of the bigger boys tonight.  Not punching, no nothing like that.  But, I said he was indeed getting a spanking and he said no thank you I believe you will have to have enough strength to force me and it was on.

Like donkey kong.

It was ugly.  I am still crying.  Yes, he finally got his spanking, but I think he hates me.  He pointed out some things that I do indeed do wrong.  He stressed some areas that I suck in.  The truth hurts.

In the heat of anger, I know things get said.  I know things get blown out of proportion.  I know that I am not "the worst mom alive"  It still hurts.  I don't like being around my boys as much as I used to.  Their heated behavior wears on my soul.  Their confrontational actions wear on my heart.

Tonight I was crying harder and harder as I thought of how long it took me to realize my mom was a person that did the best she could.  Some children never realize that about their parents and have strained or no relationships as adults.  I fear that so badly.  People say "boys grow up and leave"

I only have boys.  If they leave, I have no one.  And that makes me very very sad.

Tomorrow will be better, I am sure.... it always is.  Tomorrow he will probably apologize.  He might even admit that he said things designed to hurt me and didn't mean them.  But, the hurt is already there.  How do I keep control over boys trying to become men?  I want them to be strong, manly, confident men.  But, dammit, they MUST obey me now.  Chaos isn't pretty.

The good news--Jack slept 12 hours last night after falling asleep in the car at 6:45pm on the way home from the lake.

The bad news--The big boys trip to Michigan Adventure got cancelled today due to weather.  They were NOT pleased to be awake at 7am only to be disappointed.

The ugly news--Yesterday, bees invaded my house.  Many many bees.  Thank you, Dad for coming over and clearing them out and making the house safe again.  You are a lifesaver!

Bonus news--I should be finding out about financial aid later today.  Come on, big money, no whammies!
P.S.  The pictures have absolutely nothing to do with this post.

Today I was admitted to college, yet again.  This time there will be a degree for me, I am sick of degrots.   In five years I will graduate with a Masters.  I can do it.  Stupider people then I have done it.

I am actually a bit giddy.  I am going to be a student again.  I like being successful, good grades kinda rock my world.  School is something I am good at and enjoy.  Unlike stairs.  Including the ones I tripped up today.  I am soo glad campus was deserted.

I am waiting on financial aid information to process and pray it will be enough to cover tuition and books.  I think it will, but I am not sure how they crunch the numbers.  Speaking of numbers, I am on a required ten minute break from online traffic school.  I hate rural state troopers.

Even with traffic school, this might be an almost perfect day.  Now if only a back to school laptop would fall from the sky.

I leave in a few minutes to Western Michigan University for an appointment with an advisor.  If anybody reads this soon, please pray that my all my prior 41 hours become transfer credits.  Do you think they will make me join a sorority?